The Mutterings and Musings of an Author's Husband

Being a writer’s husband - outside looking in.

Following on from my blogs about 'Being a writer's husband' and 'Being a writer's husband at booksignings', I thought I'd post about the tough part of being an observer standing on the outside of a creative process.

Over the years I’ve watched Gina ‘create’ through writing, drawing, painting and any other media that happens to be on hand. I’ve watched her (not over her shoulder!) make something physical out of her thoughts, emotions, knowledge, passion, beliefs, observations, research, etc.

It’s amazing for me, I stand back in awe as new life is breathed into the world by her creativity and skill. That’s the easy part of being a writer and artist’s husband. Actually, there are many easy parts to being a husband of someone so artistic in my opinion, too many to list here.

One of the hardest parts of being the observer over an internal creative process of someone else, no matter how much you love them, is being helpless to support her at those times when she hits that creative wall. A plot, a word, a character, a brush stroke. Something that doesn’t feel right for her and she needs to do it differently. I’m not an artist or writer. I’m not even very imaginative. Anything I say will hinder, not help, so I sit and watch as she struggles with herself, getting tired, losing energy as that intense focus goes further inward to a place that I can only begin to imagine but never actually understand.

Even after the work is ‘complete’, there’s the editing, the amendments, the ‘one last change’, the search to make something ‘more’, the frustration and philosophizing. I see the process tightening her stomach muscles, furrowing her brow, making her tired. I love her so much and yet I can’t do anything but say the occasional supportive word, but not too much or I will derail the process! I’m assured that ‘being there for her’ is a comfort but I am not blind, it is little or no comfort at times like that.

The thing is, taking a step back always helps her. It’s the timing that’s tricky though. When she’s in the middle of a struggle, that’s part of the process as far as I can see. I know it’s necessary so I don’t interrupt it which, when considering how she looks at times like that, is bloomin’ hard I can tell you now! Anyway, when she does take a step back, probably the following day, all is well and it’s on to the next challenge. It is truly amazing and sometimes heartbreaking to behold.

I am so proud of her, how she manages to get back on top of it all and steps back onto the path she was on before hitting a creative wall. I share her feeling of achievement and elation and watch again in awe and wonder. Although this is definitely one of the hardest parts of being a writer and artist’s husband, I’m very fortunate to be part of the process, even by not being part of it.

Life is good.

Long distance connections

I believe that certain people are meant to connect, wether those connections take the form of spouses or true friends. I think that those people are soul mates who are meant to connect in this life. I believe that if it’s meant to be, no matter what, it will happen. What has surprised me about this phenomena is that, for us at least, is that the connections seem deeper than just meeting. It’s when a shared knowledge, experience or feeling links people over distances, sometimes thousands of miles, I always find that astounding and wonderful.

Over the years I’ve lost count of the number of long distance experiences Gina and I have shared. Here’s a few examples that may amuse you.

Many years ago when Gina took her driving test on a day that I was around 30 miles from her, I had no idea that her test had been delayed and when I started hyperventilating, became so stressed that I could barely concentrate and ended up having to pull off the road to ride out the incredible feelings of anxiety I was feeling, I had no idea why. Well, I did have an idea when at precisely 13 minutes passed whatever hour it was at the time I suddenly felt like I could fly, my heart rate increased and I couldn’t stop grinning until my teeth and jaw muscles hurt. I guessed that Gina had just past her test. When I got home she was practically jumping around with joy as she told me about the delays and how awful it had been before she was told she had passed. I just smiled, nodded and then asked what time she had finished. ‘13 minutes past’ she said, and then I told her what had happened to me. Wild!

Gina often starts looking for the phone when I’m about to phone her. I call at completely random times and often don’t even know I’m going to call as my meetings or timetable is often so flexible. I just call her as soon as I’m free and she always picks up straight away, even though she might have just spent 10 minutes looking for the phone that was put in a ‘safe place’.

I was in California on business once and was woken up in my hotel room by our doorbell at home in England! I leapt out of bed on auto pilot to go and see who it was before realising I was thousands of miles away. I looked at the clock and it was 03:15 and then went back to bed. Later the following day I called Gina back in the UK, told her about what I heard. She said that someone had tried to deliver a parcel but she had been in a deep sleep and only found out when she saw the ‘missed delivery’ card that they had put through the door. The time on the card said they had called at 11:15 which is the time I had been woken up in California since I was 8 hours behind!

Gina will know when I am anxious or upset about work or life and will come and check on me, even if we have been in different rooms all day while working.

Gina also senses when our rattys are going to be seriously ill, usually days before any symptoms show so our vets are used to us self diagnosing now since anything we say will happen, somehow turns up days after we have taken an apparently fit and healthy little girl to them for inspection.

I have loads of stories like this, mostly about Gina and myself. I’ve had it happen to me with others but it’s rare, very rare indeed. Connections like this are wild aren’t they?! I love it! :)

Got any stories to share?